What Does Narcissistic Abuse look like?

It is often mistakenly believed that victims are weak minded and easily manipulated but in my experience they target the strong, and independent type. However, what targets have in common is a trauma wound that is often related to childhood trauma or wound that revolves around issues concerning a perceived sense of being unloved, rejected or abandoned.

Narcissistic abuse is a journey of escalation of crazy making behaviours, communications and relations that pick at the wounds of the target. Therefore a period of expressing extreme interest in the target in the early stages of the relationship is necessary in order to attain the knowledge to understand their target fully and completely. In this way, they gain the ammunition to exponentially wound their target in the long run. 

Narcissistic abuse can be emotional, financial, physical, relational, coercive. It exists anywhere there are people. It exists in families, institutions and in the workplace. Narcissists are more likely to hold positions of power as they are attracted to elitism and enjoy being admired although they also exist on the other end of the success spectrum. In any case they are a paradox of extremes. They are typically characterised by the fact that they are complex to understand and fathom precisely because they are a lie not only to their targets but also to themselves. There are terms for the methods used such as love bombing (already mentioned), triangulation (used to alienate and isolate the individual from their support network which can include family, friends and business colleagues), gas lighting (convincing the target that they are unstable, incapable, not enough and even responsible for the abusive behaviours of the narcissists. In essence, it is ultimately anything the abuser can dream up to induce the target to question their reality or their version of events) The successful narcissist lacks empathy and therefore is a very adept and consistent liar. They will refuse to accept responsibility and will re-direct fault at anyone no matter how fantastical the story and no matter who they destroy or how. People are simply pawns to them.

Rejection and abandonment are methods used to control their target. Any rebellious behaviour or questioning of the narcissist’s behaviour will result in withdrawal of affection, energy and time by the abuser. Ultimately, in it’s most chronic and progressive phase narcissistic abuse becomes violent. In order to sustain these bouts of abandonment (remember they feed off the energy of others) the narcissist will always have their sites on their next grooming victim. They are known to be unfaithful because they cannot bare to be alone. Remember they can only prosper via the energy they receive via their narcissistic supply. One of the ways a narcissist can be recognised over time is by their tendency to phase in one relationship while another is still petering out or going through a challenging phase. This can apply to any type of relationship. For instance favouring one child over another. Although in family dynamics there is generally speaking a designated scape goat child and a golden child. However, even a child designated as scape goat may from time to time experience golden child moments. This predominantly occurs when the designated golden child distance themself or rebels in any way.

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